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Feeling Lonely in Your 20’s

Now, don’t get me wrong – this post isn’t meant to be a pity party. So please don’t take it that way. This post is meant to reach out to those of you who might also feel lonely despite being around people 90% of the time. I’ve spoken to a few people about this, and there seems to be a mutual understanding that your 20’s can be incredibly lonely – but why? This is a time in our lives where we are either at uni with thousands of other people our age, at work or flatting. We probably connect with our friends 24/7 on social media and most of us never put down our phones. So why do so many 20-somethings feel so lonely?

I did a lil bit of research cause ya know, I’m a nerd like that. If you google ‘being lonely in your 20’s’ the internet is spilling over with articles all around this same topic. It seems that I’m not the first to come up with this gripping blog content. (Dammit). But in all seriousness, what the heck even is loneliness? I like to keep my friendship circle small. I prefer super close, deep friendships with a few people over pointless social interactions with loads of strangers. Working in retail, I’m around people all the time. I live with people, and always have someone to text. Shock horror, I still get lonely. I put together some of the reasons and some ideas that might help to try and make sense of this weird situation so many people I know are in.

Unfulfilling social interactions

This is one that kept coming up when I was googling. I think this is so important. I’m around people all the time and uni and work, but I’m not exactly making emotional connections with everyone am I? If you took away all the customers, and fellow students that I’ve never spoken more than a few words to, there wouldn’t really be anyone left. It’s not as if each and every person we talk to gets to know us, our secrets and fears – our dreams. Of course not, that might be a bit weird. But I totally agree that the amount of people in our lives is saturated by strangers that we don’t really know.

Quality over quantity

I always get told that I need to “get out there” and meet new people. But this isn’t always the ideal formula. Forming a mutually beneficial friendship takes hard work – and sometimes, 2 people just don’t click on a deep level and that’s okay. Instead of going out there and joining every club under the sun to try and widen your friendship circle, focus on the friends you do have and take the time to get to know those people more.

You might not be letting people get close

I am super guilty of this. I never let anyone know the real me. Even the people that have known me for years, don’t really know me. I don’t think anyone on this planet knows me 100%. It’s weird, even when I’m around people I love to bits, I always keep a part of myself reserved. I think it’s because my entire life I’ve been told I’m too loud, or weird, or bossy. So I’m terrified that if I relax and let someone in, they won’t like me and I’ll end up feeling burned again. I don’t know how to give advice on this, because I am the worst at doing it. I think it’s important to have confidence in yourself, and always remember that if people don’t like the real you there is nothing you can do to convince them to like the fake you. Just be real, and live your life.

You’re running a different race

It can be really easy to get caught up in what others are doing, and forget that your journey is one that only you can walk. When everyone around you seems to be graduating, moving out, getting engaged – and you aren’t quite there yet, it can feel that you’ve got no one around you thats in the same life stage. This can make me feel super lonely at times. Most of my friends are at different points in their lives to me, which leaves me feeling like I’m tackling things all alone. The trick here is to not forget that what you’re doing is amazing as well, and you’ll reach those milestones too some day.

Talk to someone, ya know – a professional

If your loneliness is really getting you down, you might benefit from talking to a councillor. I know that when I was seeing a councillor a couple of years ago, she really helped me. She was the most amazing woman, who made me feel so valued and gave me such confidence to go out there and take control of my life. I learnt a lot from her. I encourage you to seek out support in a professional setting, you never know how it may change your life. It’s not for everyone, but think about it.

Forcing yourself to socialise

If you’re an introvert, or have social anxiety, forcing yourself to socialise might make you feel worse. There is a difference between going out when ya not really feeling it and seeing how the night goes and putting yourself in a situation that gives you feelings of anxiety and stress. Don’t put yourself in situation that you know aren’t your scene. I’m never gonna be someone you’ll find in town at 3am on a weekend. I don’t enjoy it, so I don’t go. Remember to take part in things that make you feel good and comfortable.

Think outside of yourself

Sometimes, we have to look beyond our own feelings in order to understand them. Being generous is one way to help the way we think of ourselves. Reach out to other people who might be feeling lonely, spread positivity and be compassionate. You might be surprised at the way people react when you put aside your own feelings for a little while and do something that might make someone else’s day. It might not make you feel like the least lonely person in the world, but being the source of someone else’s joy is always an amazing feeling.

 

Let me know your thoughts on loneliness in your 20’s in the comments below, I love reading your comments!

Thanks for reading! Love, Lyd x

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12 Comments

  • Reply Gemma

    I totally agree with this. I am 23 and don’t get me wrong, I have friends but they are out and about doing their thing! And sometimes I feel lonely too. It’s hard to be ‘out there’ as we are all so conscious about what other apple think.
    I am just glad I am not the only one!! xxxx

    http://www.gemsblogstorey.com

    July 3, 2017 at 9:47 am
    • Reply lydiamicha

      For sure! I am constantly surrounded by people, but still get super lonely. I’m at such an awkward stage in my life I think x

      July 3, 2017 at 9:48 am
  • Reply Sharni

    I’m twenty-four and feel beyond lonely! I moved five hours away from my home town and highschool friends and since I am such an introvert and don’t really enjoy drinking (like most twenty-four year olds) I have really struggled to make genuine friends! It’s so hard to meet new people as an adult! I’m lucky to have my amazing boyfriend but sometimes you just need some girl time haha

    Sharni xo
    A Girl & Grey

    July 3, 2017 at 1:28 pm
    • Reply lydiamicha

      Oh Sharni! I completely understand. I feel the same about drinking – so many social interactions are based around it as well which makes it hard! Meeting new people can be SO hard, especially when they already have close friends. You will find your place, I promise! <3

      July 3, 2017 at 1:31 pm
  • Reply Cheyenne

    This is 100% me as well! I’ve been reading your blog for a little while now, and we are honestly so similar (in the least creepy way haha). Marketing student here too. I have never been one to have a lot of friends. My best friend once told me that it’s because I “only hang out with distinguished people”. But truth be told, all I really look for in a friend, is for there to be something meaningful to talk about. I want to hear about their goals, what inspires them and how they’re going to get there. Maybe that comes off too serious, maybe that’s not what other people like? But I am thankful for the few friends that have stuck with me so far. Great job on your blog so far, loving it <3

    July 3, 2017 at 1:33 pm
    • Reply lydiamicha

      Aw hello! Haha, not creepy at all don’t worry! We sound very similar. I like when I can have meaningful conversations too! Keep your few friends close, they are the ones who matter <3 thank you so much for the support.

      July 3, 2017 at 1:35 pm
  • Reply Ashley

    This is 100% me. I completely understand what you said about not letting people too close, I’m always very conscious about how I act with people which can get exhausting. I also find it hard to make new friends, I’m always awkward and don’t know what to say. If I just had one person in which I had a deep relationship with I think I would be perfectly happy.

    xx
    http://www.ashleyruth.com

    July 3, 2017 at 2:14 pm
    • Reply lydiamicha

      I’m SO glad so many of you are coming forward and talking about this! It’s such a weird topic, but so important. Thank you for sharing, it can definitely be exhausting trying to act a certain way all the time. You are amazing the way you are, I hope you know this! <3

      July 3, 2017 at 2:16 pm
  • Reply tamara skipper

    you definitely read my mind there are always freinds that are there but always too busy with their own lives and its hard for me 23 year old to step out side my comfort zone like you should but im feeling lonely too like other people commenting on here so i guess im not alone! 🙂

    July 3, 2017 at 2:27 pm
    • Reply lydiamicha

      YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You will find your place, I promise x

      July 3, 2017 at 2:37 pm
  • Reply Liv Ward

    Thank you for this post! Your words “I think it’s because my entire life I’ve been told I’m too loud, or weird, or bossy. So I’m terrified that if I relax and let someone in, they won’t like me and I’ll end up feeling burned again” is literally me in a nutshell! All through school (including uni) and even now in my workplace people tell me im loud and its weird because we are taught to embrace our quirks and personality! As a 21 year old i thank you for this post 🙂 most of my friends are all in such different steps in life, it is hard not to think ‘am i doing the right thing at the right time?’. Love your blog 🙂

    July 3, 2017 at 9:18 pm
    • Reply lydiamicha

      THANK YOU! Aw it means so much when what I write resonates with people. That section is very personal to me, so I’m glad someone else gets where I am coming from. Continue being your LOUDEST self because thats you, and you are amazing! Thank you for taking the time to leave such an amazing comment <3

      July 3, 2017 at 10:03 pm

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